Funny Life Quotes and sayings

Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life.
-- Leo Buscaglia --


Every life has a story.


Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.


Children are a great comfort in your old age -- and they help you reach it faster, too.


When my husband comes home, if the kids are still alive, I figure I've done my job.


Never answer an anonymous letter.
Lawrence Peter (Yogi) Berra


Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
George Carlen


A human being. . . An ingenious assembly of portable plumbing.
Christopher Morley


Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.


When my children start to get wild and unruly. I find a nice soft playpen and hide in it until they get through.


Kids are like tornadoes and blenders. They always leave things shaken up.


If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Harry S. Truman


My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett


If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.


Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
Phyllis Diller


In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on.
Robert Frost


To attract men, I wear a perfume called ``New Car Interior.''
Rita Rudner




I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
Rita Rudner


I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner


Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner


Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner


"I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best."
Oscar Wilde


Asking politicians to give up a source of money is like asking Dracula to forsake blood.
Cal Thomas


Be nice to your kids, they pick your nursing home!




Age is like underwear, it creeps up on you!


Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.


Age isn’t important unless you’re wine or cheese.